Waiting
by buggie21
Summary: ON HIATUS. Tonks continues to pursue Remus, but what she doesn't know is that his heart belongs to his best friend, even in death. Set at the end of the summer of HBP.
1. Chapter 1

**Waiting**

**Author: **Sam (buggie21)

**Pairings:** Remus/Sirius, Remus/Tonks

**Rating: **M for language and sexual references

**Genre:** Romance/Angst

**Summary: **Tonks continues to pursue Remus, but what she doesn't know is that his heart belongs to his best friend, even in death. Set at the end of the summer of HBP.

**Disclaimer: **Everything belongs to the great JK Rowling. I am nothing.

**Author's Notes: **My first official fanfiction! Please review, and don't be afraid to be truthful! If same-sex pairings aren't your cup of tea, however, I suggest that you don't read my work.

* * *

**Chapter One**

Twelve Grimmauld Place was practically in shambles. The late summer evenings were rather hot and humid, only adding to the uncomfortable state of the old building. The occupants were on edge with the thought of the looming war, and, of course, with Sirius' death. As the Order held yet another meeting for all to attend in the vast dining room, Tonks couldn't help but feel a little twinge of excitement. She took her usual spot between Moody and Kingsley and fidgeted for comfort on the once luxurious dining chairs. Any moment the very object of her desires would walk through the doorway and choose a seat, usually settling next to Harry. The woman glanced at the wall clock and sighed. She was head over heels, and the only person who refused to acknowledge this was indeed her soul mate.

At quarter to seven the remaining Order members filed in with little chatter. Things certainly had changed after Sirius' passing, affecting everyone differently. Some simply became quieter, some more focused, and a select couple continued to weep into the wee hours of the night. Tonks wondered if Remus still wept for his friend. _No doubt, _she thought to herself. _They had been so close… _

Just as she was drifting on her own personal cloud of wonderment, the man of her most intimate dreams entered the aged dining area. He wore one of his God awful brown cardigans (complete with patches at the elbows), an old pair of slacks that hung loosely at the waist, and scuffed shoes that were probably at least a decade old. His sandy hair was tousled in its usual state, hanging over his left eye, barely covering one of the many scars on his face. Tonks sighed inwardly, deciding that she would be completely content with just looking at this man for the rest of her life. _If only he'd look at me_, she thought longingly. Just as she was about to avert her eyes to listen to Moody speak, her heart skipped a beat. Remus had caught her shining orbs with his own spectacular blue ones. Tonks couldn't prevent the oncoming spasm in her lower abdomen, nor did she want it to end. Remus visibly shifted in his seat, finally casting his own eyes downward. Tonks caught something uneasy in his expression that she couldn't quite recognize. Was it uncertainty? Question?

She gave up her conquest of trying to read his looks and finally turned her attention back to Moody. Her old mentor didn't hold her concentration for long, however. Approximately twenty minutes into discussing important war tactics, Tonks' gaze drifted across the wooden table to the handsome werewolf. Her eyes expertly found a scar that started under his eye, curved down his chiseled cheek and disappeared into the corner of his mouth. She traced the shape of those gorgeous lips over and over again with her piercing vision, never tiring of them. Just as another voice began dominating the conversation, Moody leaned over and touched Tonks' arm. "You're crazy not to be listening to this meeting, girl." When she didn't acknowledge what he had just said, he went on with, "Quit staring at the poor man." When he still received no reaction, he caught her attention with, "Are you listening to me, Nymphadora?"

Tonks snapped out of her trance with harsh words. "How many times do I have to tell you _not_ to call me _Nymphadora_?" She all but shouted at the man, causing a cease in discussion and a boisterous tumult of laughter in its place. Tonks looked around, shocked at the response. She shook out her now flaming red hair and scowled. "Glad I can be such comic relief," she remarked sarcastically, locking eyes with everyone around the table. Her gaze lingered possibly too long on Remus. There was a pang in the woman's chest when the man quickly turned his attention to strike up a conversation with Harry. The witch sat quietly as the conference wore on.

***

The meeting came to a close not long after the blatant outburst from Tonks. As everyone departed to either their rooms or their own homes, Remus lingered in the dining area. He normally stayed to tidy the area out of respect to Sirius, though his old friend never really gave a damn what the foul house looked like. Both she and Remus knew and understood well why Sirius had hated the house with such a bleeding passion, yet both always offered to help. Neither could ever control Kreacher if they tried, so it became an automatic routine for them to clean it themselves. Once she had bid her friends goodbye and saw them off to their respectful places, she too returned to the kitchen space and began picking up.

"You don't need to stay if you don't want to," Remus offered. "It's getting fairly late, and I'd understand if you wanted to head out also."

Tonks studied how the man worked with such precision. Even if he was just sweeping up crumbs, he did so meticulously. She watched him in awe; she loved how he chose not to use magic on small tasks, how he was slightly hunched over while he swept, how his muscles moved with every sweep of the broom... She only focused on what he was saying after he ceased his cleaning.

"Tonks?"

She blinked, trying to remember what he had just said. "Oh, um, I was actually planning on staying here for the rest of the summer," she began, a little nervous. "If that's alright with you, of course," she offered as an afterthought.

"Well, sure it is. There are a couple spare rooms on the next floor up. They haven't really been cleaned thoroughly, I must warn you." He shuttered slightly. Tonks decided not to ask him of his previous findings.

"It's alright, I could crash on the couch," she offered, taking out her wand and flicking her wrist. She knew very well that if she attempted to stack the heavy wooden chairs on top of the table on her own, something utterly horrible would go wrong, what with her lack of gracefulness. "Doesn't bother me any."

Remus emptied his dustpan into the closest trash receptacle. "Why don't you take to my room for the night, then we can straighten things out in the morning?" When he noted the glimmer of hope in her eyes he added, "I'd be sleeping on he couch, of course."

Tonks' expression fell as she processed what he had said. _Always so modest and proper, that Remus, _she thought with slight remorse. She forced a smile and nodded.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, what do you think? I'd love some feedback!

Sam


	2. Chapter 2

**Waiting**

**Author: **Sam (buggie21)

**Pairings:** Remus/Sirius, Remus/Tonks

**Rating: **M for language and sexual references

**Genre:** Romance/Angst

**Summary: **Tonks continues to pursue Remus, but what she doesn't know is that his heart belongs to his best friend, even in death. Set at the end of the summer of HBP.

**Disclaimer: **Everything belongs to the great JK Rowling. I am nothing.

**Author's Notes: **My first official fanfiction! Please review, and don't be afraid to be truthful! If same-sex pairings aren't your cup of tea, however, I suggest that you don't read my work.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Tonks looked around the rather spacious room Remus had led her to. She recognized it as Sirius' former room. Her heart felt the familiar twinge it often was assaulted with whenever she thought about her cousin. Well, second cousin, really. That never mattered, however. They had always acted like first cousins, close family. Plus they had picked up right where they had left off before he was taken to Azkaban. It was just in their nature to do so. It felt natural.

The woman walked across the room, trailing her hand over the dresser. Spotless. Remus must have attacked this room, like he had every other occupied room in the house, with an army of cleaning supplies. It surely gave him something to do when they had first lost Sirius.

Distractions of any kind seemed to suit the current residents of the old Black house. Some tried picking up new hobbies, while others simply tried to go out as much as possible. Tonks, however, didn't really fall under either category. She became a floater, almost in a trance of sorts, after Sirius was taken from them. She mostly kept an eye on Remus, just to make sure he was all right. She didn't know what he thought of her attention, but, then again, it was understandable that she had no idea. The man usually kept to himself, frustrating Tonks to no end. But she would not, _could not_, give up. She did it for his sanity.

She couldn't even imagine what the werewolf was feeling. Having all his friends taken from him had taken both mental and physical tolls on him over the years. It was fairly visible in his body language, his expressions, as well as his tired, relaxed speech. He was just so _exhausted_. Juggling all this while having to undergo an excruciating transformation every month was too much for Tonks' mind to grasp. She obviously had no idea how the actual change felt, but she understood that it was the worst physical pain the poor man has ever gone through. He had clued her in on that much, but little else. His lycanthropy was a touchy subject, and Tonks knew not to press for further information.

"He'll tell me more when he's ready," Tonks reassured herself. "As soon as he's ready."

***

Remus finished tidying the dining room shortly after leading Tonks up the stairs to his room. No, it was still Sirius' room. The man outwardly sighed as he recalled the smell of the animagus. His scent had lingered on his bed sheets, which Remus had taken to laying curled up on shortly after the man's death. After the initial shock had passes, Remus transitioned into a crazed cleaning mode and had, regretfully, washed everything in that room, including the lush sheets. Though the smell of his love had gone in the physical sense, Remus had every bit of Sirius stored in his memory bank. He smirked as he curled up on the oversized loveseat, stretched, and recalled the first time he realized his feelings for the man.

***

_It was the Marauder's seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Remus smiled as he listened to his best mates babble on about their latest idea of a prank. While he had supplied the young men with a few ingenious ideas in the past, it was clear to them all that he was best with the technical stuff. He took pride in how he could put all his endless hours of studying into something other than preparing for exams. The best part was that he usually got the same swell of accomplishment when the group completed a ridiculous surprise as he would when he aced a test. _

_James had tapped Remus on the shoulder one day after Potions. _

_"Hey, Moony, would you mind doing me the biggest favor anyone could ever do for one of his best mates?" _

_Remus rolled his eyes and instinctively asked, "Does this happen to have anything to do with Lily? If so, I believe you've tormented the poor girl enough." _

_Sirius, who had caught up to the two of them, leaving Peter in the dust, snorted with laughter. _

_"James, I'm sorry to say that Remus may be right. That's one girl you'll never shag, that's for sure." _

_Potter huffed at this, complaining, "You guys are useless. You'd think a guy's own best mates would do anything for him, especially when it comes to shagging women." Just as James had finished his mini rant, the object of his desires came around the corner with a pack of Gryffindors practically falling at her feet. _

_"Lily! Oi, Lily! My love!" With that, James ran directly toward the group, only stopping when he was directly in front of the red-haired beauty. Kneeling down dramatically before her, he spoke, "I've written you another sonnet! Allow me to recite it for you!" _

_Remus chuckled to himself, shaking his head repeatedly. _

_"Moony," said a soft voice in his ear. Remus shivered delightedly at the sound. "Why don't we head back to the Common Room?" _

_The light-haired boy turned to face the brunette. "Should we really leave him here to be hexed by Evans?" _

_Sirius smirked his famous Marauder smirk. "It's his own fault he won't leave her be. Let's go."_

_Remus looked over his shoulder once more and saw James gesturing poetically with every sappy work he spoke. When the werewolf shifted his gaze up to Lily's face, he nodded to Sirius quickly, afraid for his own life. When Lily was angry, nobody even wanted to witness the poor soul receiving her wrath. _

_***_

_As soon as the two set foot on the stairwell, Sirius turned to Remus, a questionable glimmer visible in his misty grey eyes. _

_"Jeez, Pads, what is it now?" Remus laughed, knowing whatever the animagus had on his mind was undoubtedly mischievous. _

_When Sirius leapt in front of him unexpectedly, the smaller boy let out a yelp. "My dear Moony," he began overdramatically, much like James had to Lily. "May I ask you something?" _

_The werewolf's heartbeat quickened, his friend's strange formality catching him off guard. He had recently been having odd reactions when around Sirius and found no way to justify why. He gulped and nodded dumbly, unable to manage any other reply._

_As the enchanted staircase began to rotate past the floor that led to Gryffindor Tower, Sirius inquired, "Do you find anyone attractive? You know, like how James finds Lily attractive? How she's all he ever thinks about? How he chases after her and only her? Have you ever experienced that feeling yourself?"_

_Remus froze, slightly shocked with the personal content of the question. He mentally shook his thoughts into place, reminding himself that the young man standing before him was one of his best mates and probably hadn't meant any harm with the inquiry. _

_"W-well," he stammered, making the mistake of looking up into Sirius' eyes. Stormy grey stared intently into soft blue. Remus noted the vast range of emotion in his friend's gaze. He was captivated. "I've never gone to the extent James has in acting on my romantic interests, no."_

_"Moons, that's not what I asked you," Sirius said pointedly, smirking that unbelievably sexy smirk. He asked his next question so quietly that Remus almost didn't catch it. _

"_Have you ever loved?"_

_If Remus wasn't sweating beforehand, he sure was at this point in their conversation. As the staircase continued to rotate, Remus continued to stare into the animagus' breathtaking eyes. He certainly felt like he would fall over if he didn't avert his own blue orbs, yet there was no hope; he was utterly enthralled by the enchanting male standing a couple steps ahead of him. _

_Just as Sirius was beginning to frown and turn his head to the side, Remus replied before he could really think it through. All he could think of was the weak feeling in his knees when the animagus had looked at him with so much feeling. He so desperately wanted to feel it again. _

_"Yes."_

_Sirius whipped his head back around so fast that Remus was surprised it hadn't fallen off. When Sirius made eye contact with the man two steps down from him, he must have noticed how bloody scared Remus looked. His hands were in a knot, beads of sweat appeared on his forehead, and he seemed to rock back and forth on his feet. Sirius' mouth molded into a smiled and he nodded. Turning, he continued his climb to the top of the staircase. _

_As Remus watched him go, he couldn't help but frown. As he finally made his move to the landing before the Fat Lady, a gear in his head seemed to click into place. _

_"S-Sirius," he uttered, "I-I do love. I d-do…" _

_He wondered if this was his own voice. He sounded so thrown-off, disconnected, even. 'Bloody hell, Remus,' he mentally scolded himself. 'Pull yourself together! You sound like an idiot.' _

_When he had finally gathered his thoughts, he noticed Sirius had already disappeared into the Common Room. The Fat Lady repeated in an irritated tone, "Password?" _

_Remus stammered, gave the phrase, and entered the room._

* * *

**I wanted to say thank you to those who have reviewed my story thus far. I just started another fanfic called ****An Unrequited Love****. It's another Remus/Sirius fic, though, I must warn, it's a bit angst-y. Anyway, I'd appreciate some more constructive reviews! :) **

**Sam**


	3. Chapter 3

**Waiting**

**Author: **Sam (buggie21)

**Pairings:** Remus/Sirius, Remus/Tonks

**Rating: **M for language and sexual references

**Genre:** Romance/Angst

**Summary: **Tonks continues to pursue Remus, but what she doesn't know is that his heart belongs to his best friend, even in death. Set at the end of the summer of HBP.

**Disclaimer: **Everything belongs to the great JK Rowling. I am nothing.

**Author's Notes: **My first official fanfiction! Please review, and don't be afraid to be truthful! If same-sex pairings aren't your cup of tea, however, I suggest that you don't read my work.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

"Remus? Remus!"

An overly optimistic tone roused the werewolf out of a pleasant slumber. He stretched as he elevated his upper body, looking in the direction the voice came from. He mumbled a hello to the currently purple-haired woman who stood in the doorway to the living room.

"Breakfast's almost ready. Just a heads up."

Remus inwardly grumbled. He could have easily fixed himself up a meal. Besides, he absolutely hated when others cooked for him. There was no need to go through the trouble because he was perfectly capable.

"Thank you, Tonks."

The woman bounced on her feet, nodded, and made her way back toward the dining room. On the way, however, she misjudged her turn out of the doorway and clipped her shoulder on the wall, knocking her back a little. Face bright red, she sheepishly smiled in Remus' direction. The man simply shook his head, which had always been his reaction to Tonks' clumsiness.

Once the Auror successfully managed to make her way around the doorframe without another collision, Remus flopped back down on the loveseat, rubbing his tired eyes. Why had she had to wake him during a most pleasant dream, albeit an awkward one? That didn't matter – he being the slightest bit uncomfortable during the memory didn't trouble him. What mattered was that the image was one of Sirius, something the man could recall as if it had only been the previous day. He smiled to himself, letting his eyes drift shut again.

***

Why was it that whenever she was assigned to do anything that had to do with Remus, Tonks always made an absolute fool of herself? All right, she was obsessed with the man. Tonks was completely infatuated and head-over-heels for him. Why was it that he simply didn't see it himself?

"Tonks, where's Remus?"

The woman turned her head to the right and spotted Harry in the doorway. The Auror let her head fall onto the table, forehead smacking the wooden structure. "On the loveseat," she said with noticeable misery.

If she had been looking, she would have seen Harry raise a dark eyebrow in her direction. The tousled-haired boy shook his head, turned, and headed for the other room.

***

"Erm, Remus?"

For the second time that morning the man was awoken from a lazy sleep. His heavy eyelids lifted rather slowly, eyes blinked a couple times, and then they found the new figure in the doorway.

"Oh, hello Harry," the older man greeted, much more whole-heartedly than the first time he was taken out of his pleasant dreams. "Did I miss breakfast?"

The raven-haired young man walked further into the room, stepping with incredible care, afraid he would further disturb his old professor if he made too much noise. "No, but it's on the table. They're starting to worry about you."

As Remus sat up he snorted a laugh, rubbing his eyes for the second time that morning. "Oh, please," he commented, still half asleep, "I'm fine. Only trying to catch up on my rest."

Harry, who had grown more comfortable with the man within the previous months, had a seat on the edge of the oversized piece of furniture. "Remus, may I ask you something?"

The older man was certainly awake at this point. His ears pricked up at the boys' inquiry, which had been so similar to the one spoken by his godfather in Remus' flashback. Mentally shaking his head, he closed his slightly gapped mouth and straightened his furrowed brow. "Why yes, Harry. Go right ahead." He smiled reassuringly at his young friend.

"I don't mean to be nosy, but I've been worried about your, well, routine change." When Remus sent him a questioning glance, the boy continued. "Well, the last few months you've been acting quite differently. I mean, we've all changed after," he paused, obviously uncomfortable with Sirius' death. Instead of plainly stating it, he supplied, "recent events." Harry shuffled his feet a little while Remus looked down at his own hands.

Harry continued, "W-well, I just wanted to let you know that you can talk to me about it." When Remus looked slightly startled, Harry added, "Only if you wanted to."

The older man smiled wearily. "I thought, being the professor I, erm, was, _I _should be looking out for _you_." He patted Harry on the shoulder comfortingly, almost as a father would a son. Harry grinned in return, but looked back to the floor rather quickly. Remus was a little nervous with where this conversation was heading.

"You know, I know how close you were to him. My dad, too." Remus absently nodded, a flood of memories of the great Marauder days swimming in his mind. "I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone so close to you."

Lupin looked up, question masking his features. "Harry, you lost your own parents and – "

Harry shook his head. "Remus, you lost someone so very important to you. Yes, I lost my parents, but I had barely knew them." The man was about to protest when Harry held up a hand. "You knew Sirius for the majority of your life. There's no doubt in my mind that the two of you were," he hesitated a moment, "very close with one another."

Remus squirmed on the loveseat, thrown-off by how much Harry had picked up on. How should he explain himself? Just as he was about to open his mouth, Harry awkwardly changed the subject.

"_Now_ I bet we missed breakfast."

_He must be embarrassed_, Remus thought to himself. _That's understandable_.

They stood simultaneously, laughed awkwardly, and headed toward the dining room.

***

Breakfast turned out to be an odd meal. Remus and Harry had taken their usual seats next to one another. Tonks eyed the two suspiciously. Exactly what had taken them so long in the living room? When the werewolf looked up and accidentally caught her eye, she could see a faint pink coloring to his cheeks. Harry was looking as awkward as ever, something that Tonks picked up on the moment he had entered the room. The two males were speaking in low voices, something they rarely did in front of company. _How odd,_ thought the witch. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, but she continued her meal.

***

In the corner of the room, near where she had put her own belongings, Tonks spotted a rather large chest that looked as if it had recently been rummaged through. Being the curious witch she was, Tonks summoned the chest and settled it directly in front of her. She knelt down, easily undid the latch, and was intrigued with her findings.

She carefully began shifting the items around, at first finding nothing but odds and ends and a bunch of old robes. Something near the bottom of the bin caught Tonks' attention. She picked up the old moving image with great care, not wanting to damage it. She scrunched her face in concentration, not understanding what was depicted. As she watched the reoccurring scene before her, she finally caught on. The witch could even place faces. _Bodies_. Realizing what she was watching, whose _privacy_ she was invading, Tonks let the photo fall to the floor. A lone tear trickled down her cheek.

* * *

**Well, I finally managed another chapter. I've been trying to get all my things together, basically packing my life in boxes, for my move to school tomorrow morning. I don't know how chaotic my first week will be, but I'll update both my stories as soon as I can. Anyway, I liked writing this chapter a lot. Let me know what you think!**

**Sam**


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